The day started out like any other. Cereal and coffee. Check the diet plan for the day to make sure I’m on track. As things progressed, I had this nagging feeling that something just wasn’t right. I ran my errands and everything went well. Little did I know of the darkness that was about to enter my life.

My afternoon stop was the local grocery where I needed to get coffee and diet soda. As I pulled into the parking lot, a sense of dread came over me. This was it. Whatever I was going to face, I was going to face it here. I didn’t know what was waiting for me inside this innocuous building, but it was calling me, compelling to keep going even though my gut reaction was to put the car back into gear and run.

I got out of the car, and walked confidently toward the door which slid open as I approached and inundated me with the cool of the air conditioning inside and flooded my nostrils with the smell of grocery store. My senses immediately became heightened. The low rumbling sound of the a/c, the sound of miscellaneous conversations, the hissing sound of the vegetable sprayers, the dinging of the cashiers scanning products. All rang in my ears as if preparing me for something.

I walked toward the coffee isle, and picked my usual brand, and then headed for the soda isle and as I approached, there they were. I told myself I wouldn’t allow them to control me, but I could feel my resistance fading. No, I won’t put them in my cart. I’ll walk past and not allow them to control me. I could feel my heart race, my breath became shallow and I wiped the beads of sweat from my forehead.

I looked the other way, and forced myself into the soda isle chanting “diet coke”, “diet coke”. Trying to stay focused. I found my prey, lifted the 12 pack from the shelf and placed it in my cart. Oh my God!! How did those get there. In my cart there were 2 bags of Maui Sweet Onion Potato Chips. I don’t remember putting those there. What’s happening to me!

After my initial moment of terror, my will began to fade. They were taking over, and I was letting it happen. Maybe I would buy them, and just eat a couple. If I can’t beat them, I’ll join them. I headed for the cashier, and then the car. All the while telling myself that I was going to remain in control. I was determined to wait until I got home and then only have a couple of chips. I put my groceries in the back seat and then got into the car. I reached for the seat belt and felt a crunching under my hand. As I looked down to see what was in the way, I was again overtaken by panic. There, in the passenger seat was an open bag of Maui Sweet Onion Potato Chips. How did that get there? Is my sanity is slipping?

The panic passed, and an odd calm came over me. A acceptance that I would be unable to resist. The power of the chip compelled me, controlled me. I was overwhelmed by the realization that my diet was done for the day. I was okay with that.

I grabbed a chip from the bag and whispered under my breath, “there’s always tomorrow”.

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